This is not for you collector

So I have this idea and I am going to pitch it to you. It’s a video. It consists of me standing in front of a white-board and a screen where I have my computer projected so I can point to all sorts of wild imagery about my ideas. So the video goes back and forth between me, pitching my ideas to two different professors, who have slightly differing responses, one of them says something really interesting about one point, and one of them says something really interesting about another thing, and if I really just give it some time and thought, I can weave some sort of really illustrative revelations in with my own ideas and everything can move forward.

Idea 1: Rats in the subway. Ok so look, I have had the conversation on more than one occasion about whether I would rather be in a room with a shit ton of cockroaches OR rats. I know that in some people’s world rats can cross over some sort of weird line into cute and cockroaches can’t, but that is just not how I see things. I will totally shudder if I see a cockroach, but if I see a rat, then I fucking lose my mind and start screaming. Once I screamed at the top of my lungs when I saw the tiniest field mouse I have ever seen running towards me at a bus stop full of people. I thought it was going to “get me”, whatever that means. Right… So I am in the subway in New York, and I see a rat, and then think about how someone said that there is at LEAST one rat for every person in New York, and I look around at all the people on the platform and I think, man…. there must be tons of rats all around us out of sight. One of the things I don’t like about them is the sound they make… So imagine I record the sound of the movement of one rat, multiply it by as many people as I see standing on the platform and amplify that sound so that it’s all people on the platform can hear. Like, that really gross body rustling and shuffling, sniffing and people just shuddering really hard and not really understanding why.


Idea 2: Video games and confidence. I don’t really know what this is about, but I am really confident there is something there. Watching my brother and his friends play FIFA made me realize how they just fucking do it, and I can’t.

Idea 3: Breyer’s frozen dairy desert and fried chicken. The power of things being simultaneously desirable and revolting at the same time. Or two things that are irreconcilable, like at the movies when they say, “Just like the old days, but better.”

Idea 4: Mary Boone. I don’t know why, but this gallery makes me laugh more than any other one due to its crazy pretenses, and that makes me love it. I wonder if I could sign up on a list to receive used laptops from the man in the suit who sits at the front desk as he inevitably gets a new one every two months as the models are updated. Note also that this is a MAN, not a young professional trying to climb their way up. This is a job for a grown up. I love asking this guy really dumb questions in a super touristy-yet-friendly way that would make him come off as an even bigger ass if he were to not answer me honestly. The outrageous price list with the red dots!! They are so pretentious about who they are, what they do, and how much they sell their work for that they don’t even have to pretend they are not being totally gosh by having that list prominently displayed. Anyway, here is the idea…. recreate the Mary Boone front desk and fill that bookshelf behind said man with ridiculous titles such as (see Idea 5)

Idea 5: Awesome book titles. Series of photographs of a girl sitting on a subway reading books with titles like, “How to Keep my Legs Closed and Love Jesus”, “How Did my Cunt Taste when you were Sucking your Boyfriends Dick?: A Girls Guide to Revenge”, “Clothes to Kill Yourself In”…. This has potential to go on and on….

Idea 6: Logos. Lacoste alligator coming off shirt and attacking bearer of said t-shirt. Polo dude whacking the head of person wearing him.

Idea 7: Misjudging. Series of things where I demonstrate how poorly I misjudge my audience. This is tough in art school, but something like a studio full of motivational cat posters for a crit with Peter Scheldahl. Needs work.

Idea 8: One Big Room Full of Bad Bitches. Pictures of me dying my mom’s hair in our tiny kitchen.

This can go on and will go on. Luckily I don’t even have to make the video of me making the pitches, because now I have written this! All of these ideas can just sit here basking in the realm of their potential and enjoying being only this.